No paper there

I actually wanted to spend this weekend quietly and peacefully and just take care of very mundane things, like doing the laundry or cleaning my bathtub. But then, while I was having my breakfast, I came across some news that really made my blood run cold.

Two catastrophes struck the average German last week. The first was the election of Donald Trump for 47th President of the USA. The dramatic effects this misconduct by the Americans has or could have on the sensitive soul of the mainstream-educated German citizen will be discussed in another article.

Just one day later, the next bombshell dropped: the German „traffic light government“, consisting of the Social Democrats (Red), the Free Democrats (Yellow) and the Greens (Green), has collapsed. Finance Minister Christian Linder and King Olaf, the grinning one… sorry, Chancellor Olaf Scholz were no longer getting along with each other as well as they should have. Maybe Olaf didn’t like that Christian could do math better than him or that he could remember things that Olaf would rather like to forget. Who knows. In any case, Christian was fired by Olaf, along with a few other ministers whose names the author of this article has forgotten because they didn’t achieve anything earth-shattering anyway.

With the departure of Christian Lindner as chairman of the Free Democratic Party, the „yellow“ in the traffic light system is no longer valid. This raises the question of new elections for the German Bundestag. Current Chancellor Olaf is considering a date for this in March next year. The opposition is calling for much earlier elections in January 2025.

These considerations abruptly woke Federal Election Commissioner Ruth Brand from her slumber. She evidently felt compelled to act immediately, rushed to her desk and wrote a stirring letter to the Chancellor. In it, she warned of „incalculable risks“ if the new elections actually took place in January.

For God’s sake! What could happen in that case? Could pitch and sulfur rain from the sky? Could the polar caps swap places? Or could that volcano in the inconspicuous Eifel Mountains, which has been lying dormant there for 10,000 years, become active? We are warned at regular intervals about its eruption and the devastating consequences that it might have.

No, it’s much worse:

We have no paper!

And before you now turn away shaking your head and call me crazy, dear readers: This news was broadcast on November 9, 2024, 6:33 a.m. local time by Bayerischer Rundfunk, a reliable source of state propaganda, not by some conspiracy theorist on YouTube.

So what problems are keeping the Federal Election Commissioner awake at night?

According to German electoral law, new elections must take place no later than 60 days, i.e. around nine weeks, after the Bundestag is dissolved. This means that if this happens on November 11, 2024 – which is unlikely, because parliamentarians usually do not work that quickly – Germans would have to go to the polls no later than January 6, 2025. This could provoke opposition in the federal states of Bavaria, Baden-Württemberg and Saxony-Anhalt, where January 6 is a public holiday. So that’s not a good idea.

We also have a so-called „employee year“ this year. This means that the three Christmas days are on Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday. The same applies to New Year’s Eve and New Year’s Day the week after. This furthermore means: If you’re smart and don’t work in system-relevant areas, you can take five days‘ vacation and stay at home for two full weeks. So no one goes to work who doesn’t absolutely have to – especially not civil servants.

And that is precisely where the problems lie, writes the Federal Election Commissioner in her letter to the Chancellor. She even sees a “high risk that a cornerstone of democracy and trust in the integrity of the election” could be violated. The orderly election is essential for citizens‘ trust in democracy. The Christmas season would significantly shorten the very short period of 60 days.

Specifically, the following points are weighing on the Federal Election Commissioner’s mind:

1. Even obtaining the necessary paper for the election documents is a major challenge these days. – We Germans understand that only too well, of course. Who does not remember the „toilet paper crisis“ in 2020?

2. In addition, special security measures must be taken due to increasing hybrid threats. – That is also clear. Putin’s henchmen are lurking everywhere and are looking forward to manipulate an election again.

3. Election proposals could be submitted hastily or incorrectly in a hurry and then not accepted. – Of course, in our nanny state we have to take into account all those who do something hastily or incorrectly – and have to comfort them.

4. Non-established parties that first have to collect signatures of support would be under additional time pressure. – Of course! This includes parties with such impressive names as „The Garden Party“, „The Others“ or the „European Party of Love“. All of them must begiven the opportunity to play a part in the big game for positions, even if they have less than 1,000 members nationwide.

5. An overload of the electoral offices could lead to postal voting documents not being sent on time, especially to foreign countries. – Oh yes, they are always so overloaded, the electoral offices! There are always some elections taking place somewhere at any time. It’s so hard to keep up!

6. Electoral boards could be inadequately trained. – Of course, now that Germany is apparently suffering from a general loss of memory – Chancellor Scholz first and foremost – the electoral boards can certainly no longer remember how the election worked a year or two ago.

7. In addition, suitable rooms for polling stations and election workers would also have to be found. – After reading this, I immediately wrote an email to the Mayor of Magdeburg and declared my willingness to make myself available as an election worker. After all, I cannot risk democracy being put at risk in Germany. In the hour of need, every upright citizen is obliged to do his or her part.

I hope they can also find a polling station so that I don’t have to stand outside in the rain or possibly in knee-deep snow while sorting ballot papers – if we have enough paper by then.

In which location did I actually vote last time, in the European Parliament elections on June 9, 2024? Hmm… I have no idea. That was five months ago. I’ve long since forgotten that.

But don’t worry, dear readers: There is light at the end of the tunnel. As early as Monday, November 11, 2024, which incidentally marks the start of the carnival season in Germany, the Federal Election Commissioner wants to meet with the State Election Commissioners to discuss the necessary measures with them – a smart approach, in my opinion. Motto: If you don’t know what to do, set up a working group.

Let’s wish the ladies and gentlemen every success! Cheers!

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