In some cases commercial breaks on TV can be a good thing. Sometimes I actually wait for them so I can go to the toilet in peace without missing important parts of the film. Or I can do other useful things in that time: quickly water the flowers, brush the dog, check my emails or see what I missed on Facebook in the last twenty minutes. So far, so good.
But what if all of that has already been done? What if I don’t even have to go to the toilet and nothing is happening on Facebook?
I could change the channel, but that doesn’t help for two reasons. Firstly, I might miss the important moment when the film continues, and secondly, the adverts are usually running on all the other channels at the same time. Is that a coincidence or do they actually coordinate?
As a small help measure, I could turn off the sound, but I still have to watch, because moving images are more eye-catching than the flowers on the wallpaper. And because I’ve heard the miserable chatter countless times, I know what’s going on even without the sound on. So the next day I find myself vacuuming and suddenly humming „the yoghurt with the corner.“ It’s all no use. There’s no getting around it – unless you get rid of the TV.
For those who don’t know what „corner yogurt“ is: It is a square yogurt pot with a separate corner. In this corner there can be a fruit sauce or a nut mix, chocolate shavings or cornflakes etc. After opening, you fold the corner upwards à the sauce slides into the yogurt à stir a little and the fruity or crunchy yogurt is ready to eat.
Back to the commercials: So, depending on how I am feeling, I sit on my sofa in a state ranging from „slightly bored“ to „extremely annoyed“ and have no choice but to endure the same old, stale advertising soup.
By seeing some commercials, I ask myself in horror whether the clients actually paid for them… and who in the company approved the broadcast… and why he hasn’t been fired yet…
But sometimes the advertisers manage to make me smile – like the world-famous candy manufacturer with his „Kinder“ chocolate brand. For your information: “Kinder” is the German word for children. At Christmas time, this manufacturer once asked the thought-provoking question: „What would Christmas be without “Kinder”?“ The answer is simple: much cheaper, indeed!
But recently I was abruptly jolted out of my lethargy by a commercial for a well-known dairy company. I confess that this company has been trying my patience to the limit for decades, so much that I somewhen decided to boycott their products. No, I’m not giving them any more money so that they can continue to produce their annoying spots.
It started with this brat who always stole mom’s yogurt from the fridge and then loudly blared „Fruit Alarm!“ into my living room. At first I thought the little one was cute, but after twenty commercials that same evening I wanted to abandon the brat in the forest.
Then came the mooing milk bottles. I don’t like milk anyway and I don’t like it anymore since then. Is it actually a requirement that an actor has to look particularly stupid to be casted in these commercials?
Then the milk processors surprised me with their latest version of “the yogurt with the corner”. A pack of hunters, accompanied by a cute little girl in a traditional green loden cape, stand around in the forest and spoon yogurt with „Cracker Breakers“ in it, probably a synonym for breakfast cereals. And these breakers make such a loud noise, when eating them, that all the innocent animals in the forest are scared to death and flee. Oh my goodness!
Now the million dollar question: Why should I, as an environmentally conscious consumer, buy this stuff now? What’s wrong here?
Since – in my opinion – the whole of Germany has committed itself to animal protection, which I absolutely welcome as the owner of two panting fur-bearer, hunters somehow no longer have a good reputation. So they are rather unsuitable for conveying positive messages.
In addition the German forest is a source of peace and quietness. You don’t make any noise there and scare away harmless deers. That’s just not appropriate. At least, that’s what I learnt from my dad.
And thirdly: what actually happens to the plastic cup once you’ve slurped it up? I do hope you will pack it neatly in your backpack and dispose of it in the recycling bin at home. Or do you just throw it in the bushes? Sorry, but for me forests and plastic don’t go together.
I thought it couldn’t get any worse, but I was wrong again. There’s a new square yoghurt now and this time Mumbai is in it!
What?!
If you know me, you know that when I hear the word Mumbai, I immediately become wide awake and curious. The accompanying moving images, of course, support the cliché of the constantly dancing, slightly goofy Indian dressed in colourful clown costumes. OK, let’s generously overlook that. Europe doesn’t know any better. But the pretty lady in the beautiful saree now feels completely „Mumbai,“ she says as she spoons her yogurt. Goodness gracious, the poor thing! How must that feel?
I know how it feels. Because I’ve been there. Don’t take it personally, dear Mumbai. You know I love you, but you’re a juggernaut, a mega-city with 18 million inhabitants, hot, loud, chaotic, overcrowded and dirty and I certainly don’t want any of that in my yoghurt. Nor Sao Paulo, Beijing or New York. Not even Frankfurt or Berlin.
No, of course it doesn’t really have Mumbai in it, but mango and papaya. Ah! Good thing the milk mixers mention it. I wouldn’t have thought of that at first. I associate India with tea, curry and Kashmir carpets, maybe also with rice, cotton and computer programs. Of course, there are mango plantations in India, maybe even on the outskirts of Mumbai, but that’s nothing special.
The mango tree, I learn from Uncle Wiki, probably came from the island of Borneo. From there it spread over the whole of South Asia and grows everywhere where there is a tropical climate. However, the main exporter of this tropical fruit worldwide is not India or any other Asian country… no! It is Mexico! Who would have thought that? And what about the papaya? Well, it is also grown in India, but it originates in Central America. So what does all that have to do with Mumbai?
There are also the varieties „Venice“, „Sevilla“ and „Bora Bora“, I learn at the end of the commercial.
Yes, Venice! Bella Italia! That sounds like an ice cream parlor, like stracciatella and cappuccino, delicious! Seville is in Spain, the country where lemons bloom. So there is probably some kind of orange-lemon mix in the corner. Also okay for me.
And Bora Bora! A small atoll in the Pacific, white beaches, bright blue sky, turquoise, crystal clear water and coconut palms. I like grated coconut. All of that brings up positive associations. That makes sense!
So why the hell Mumbai? I thought about it for some time and the most likely explanation for me is: the advertising agency just couldn’t find a better rhyme.
I have an idea how to smooth it all out. Dear milk makers: Just add a slice of pineapple to the mango-papaya sauce and call the creation „Hawaii“. Admittedly, that’s not very original, but at least it rhymes with „Mumbai“. Then you would only have to change the lyrics very slightly. Take off your dancing girls‘ wannabe saris and dress them in grass skirts and flower necklaces. Then it fits somewhat and I can lean back on my sofa with my mind and relax.
No, stop! Advertising again! Fine, then I’ll get me a yogurt now – a normal one without a corner.